Still here

Hey there! I guess this blog really is growing with me huh?

I was thinking, I'm not going to go deleting this place because it holds history. But I don't know how comfotable I am with writing here anymore, knowing that I have family members here. (Hiya) But regardless hello void, have you been well?

Stuffs going down in my life now, good stuff. Bad stuff. Mostly good.
So I left that really awesome school, finished education there. I got an A in my A-Level Art, which was awesome! Really miss the school though, my room, my friends, the staff memebers. I moaned about it and even then I was self-aware I'd miss it. But I do. Everyone was awesome, and sometimes I just miss being able to walk to the staff room and sit about with them for a couple of minutes whilst they work or something. They'd just let me hang around, it was a really good feeling.
I started a two year game art course. Got a D* D* on the first year, that was pretty awesome. But now I have pressure to do just as well on this year.
 Speaking of, I got an offer for University literally yesterday. I haven't told anyone but my mother and step-dad because they were in the room. I haven't really expressed how I feel properly out-loud. I could tell because mum seemed frustrated by my lack of emotion. It's not that im not excited, believe me, this is really awesome. I just.. I don't want to seem arrogant or proud, and if I went around going 'ooo I got an offer for University' then I feel like that's what I'd look like. (I haven't really processed what it means yet either) I also don't want my brother to feel like he has to go there to beat me or something. But it seems like he wants to do an apprenticeship. Which I personally believe would work better for him and he'd enjoy more. He's not much of a sit still academic type.
 Im concerned that my art still isn't good enough for University or the real-world jobs I'd like to hold. I get that college and university is where you learn more and improve, but I've seen the work people above me put out and.. not to be arrogant. But some of it really isn't great. That being said, designing characters and creatures doesn't require phenominal work, just good conveyance of feelings, aethetics and all that jazz. So I'm going to keep working as hard as I possibly can. I really love succeeding, I know that this will be my downfall. But I like doing well, so I want to keep doing well.

I've got a bunch of awesome friends. They're all artsy and really nice people, in fact. The classroom seems to have become just a big group of friends on this second year. It's a really nice feeling. It's better than what I had at my boarding school, and its SO much better than the other schools I went to before. You saw how those were. I told you. Mum always said that it'd get better when i went to college. Once again, she was right. I love all my friends so goshdarn much. I get worried sometimes that I stick out or they're just pretending. But then out of the blue they say things like 'you're awesome, I really like hanging around you' and it's just like.. woah. The teachers even tease and mess around with us a bit. I don't think i've been happier in an academic and social environment before. The boarding school was great, but the classroom wasn't friends like it is here. And so many people had really bad problems that you never really relaxed fully.

I miss my art teacher and therapists and a few select TA's from that school the most.

Pirate, the hamster died a few months after I got her. I don't know why. It broke my goshdarn heart. I screamed, so loudly. I couldn't accept it. I don't know why she died and I didn't even know it was going to happen. But she did. She was infinintley cute and soft even in death. It simply wasn't fair.
  We adpoted a German Shepherd from a friend who needed him taking care of. He's awesome, a cute boy who appears spooky but is infact as soft as mud. Toby seems to have become a favourite hugging dog of mine. He's a grumpy old fart but he's also as soft as mud and seems to literally melt off the sofa. He's endeering. Scooters noticably older. Which saddens me. Smudge, is still alive! I feel bad for her and like visiting. But she still attacks me when I pet her, so she's not really that much different.

I moved bedroom, and my parents gave me another room in the house to fill my junk with. Which is awesome and I hope they know how greatful I am. I really like being in these rooms, it feels really nice. I have to shut the door to the living room a lot though so I don't annoy/distract anyone and the Tv doesn't distract me. It's shut right now.
 Speaking of rooms. Said awesome college friends would like/be open to sharing an apartment or house with me for University. Which.. is something I never thought would happen. Then I can get a menial job and earn money. Perhaps I can even pay back my parents in some meaningful way for everything they've done. I've had stuff planned in my head for years. Naturally I can't discuss it here but it is there. Trust me.

My life is really picking up now, the bad days are getting less frequent though they're still there. Most of my days are just so busy and filled with entertainment and fun that they outweigh the bad. Had some bad days recently actually. Im going to have to make a hard decision soon that I know is going to carve into my emotions and mental state for a good long while. I don't know how I'm going to do it and I don't even know if Im going to have the strength. But I've got to try. It's not fair to lie to people. I have my college friends now. Who even if I can't talk about it too, will be there for me. I'm actually really scared though. So wish me luck :).
 Im so busy with college and travel and learning to drive. Im really slow at the learning and I know it's costing so much money, but I am trying my hardest to learn to drive too. I just.. keep making really simple mistakes. It's infuriating and I can taste the frustration with my family too even if they don't speak it. I can't even offer to pay for the lessons because I don't have a job. I've been looking, but I mostly need to drive to get one. I'm also panicking that I won't have time to do well enough with college work if I get one.

Long gone are the days of the small, distressed and bullied child. She'll never completley go. But it's been so long now and this blog is really the only concrete recording I have of my feelings during this time. Wild am I right?

So that's what's going on in my life. I feel I owe this blog that much. It's helped me through and I really am still growing with dragons.

This is a study I did last night that I painted for an hour. I intend on doing more tonight.

Goodbye my friends, I shall see you in two years! (Or whenever I decide to write)

''Sensible title?" What's that?

This blog is incredibly neglected, but I am ever so thankful for it's existence.
 Without somewhere to vent I would never have gotten through a large part of my childhood. I wouldn't have felt as hopeful for my future as I do now.

So Yes. I know I've been neglecting this blog. But I only ever used it to rant and try to convey some sort of emotion to people. And then it became popular-ish. And I became scared of writing here. My invisible rant to the world became a little more visible. And suddenly everyone was reading how I felt. So that. Is why I stopped in the first place. I didn't like my feelings being read so much. And I was busy again with school eventually.

I'm nineteen now. But it's not as if that's made me any different. I'm still immature, still childish and petty. I suppose all growing up lets you do is pretend to be grown up, and sometimes people actively believe you. At some point this year I got slapped in the face by motivation though. I worked harder for my art grade than I ever really have before. Actively going out of my way to work for it. I'm worried if I don't get a grade I'm happy with, it will all crumble. I don't want to loose what little motivation I've been blessed with. I want to be happy, and if that means trying to work really hard now. Then I'm gonna. I wish some of my friends would.
 Hopefully I'm going to college next year, to do game art or something. Wouldn't it be awesome if my art could contribute to a part of my life that was such and still is a safe haven from everything else around me? It would be so fantastic if I could contribute to the world I hid in when I was really hurt, so that others could use my world to hide in too.
 I hope my arts good enough for it though. I'm going to have to work really hard to get there. But I know that, I just hope I can keep the motivation up. Whenever I tell people I'm not good at art. Their immediate response is ''Yes you are, you're amazing''. Don't get me wrong. I do like the praise even though I cannot actively accept it. But It's not always what I mean. My art might be alright now. But it's no-where near good enough for a professional job.

Recently I've just started daydreaming about having more pets. I have a hamster. And I get to see smudge occasionally, and Scooter and now I guess we have Toby too. But. I really can't overstate how much I want a dog or some other animal to hug that's all mine. I adore Pirate (the hamster) absolutely. But you can't hug her unless she wakes up and wants to play with me. She can't follow me around throughout the day. She doesn't do human emotions. So I suppose to some extent I'm trying to give the care of my own emotions over to an animal rather than a human being.  I tell people this. Or I try. And I don't think they really hear me. I accept I'm not allowed a dog. But I don't know why I'm so needy in the first place. I think I just miss hugs. I want something living to be with me constantly I suppose. And humans aren't good enough.

Aspergers isn't really that bad a label, and I think the world needs to stop tip-toeing around words like 'autism' as if they carry some sort of plague. Yes. People on the internet use it to be derogatory. But so what? It's just a word. Like.. I don't know. Cats.

But yea. I only came here to say Hi really. And stuff. I felt like it? I guess. I'm not dead. For those that didn't know. I'm just hiding, and busy. And watching a constant stream of dog videos.


-older than before
-ME

Ohi.

This isn't really a post, but anyway. I made an offshoot blog. (it's just art, no obligation to go there.) Just thought I'd say. Incase you actually wanted to see my art. (why?)
http://growingwithdragonsart.blogspot.co.uk/

Nothing better to do so...

Hey.
 I have absolutely nothing better to do right now, so I thought I'd write this, as I've been neglecting it this past week.
 First thing's first, this will undoubtedly be my only post this holiday, as the only reason I'm currently not at school is the fact we're awaiting our half-brothers imminent birth. He's taking after us already, he's stubborn.
 There is now internet at my school, however the last I heard it didn't work, and doesn't reach down into my room anyway, so that doesn't really effect anything on my front.

 My cousin and I volunteered at a Raptor Center, so that's going to be fun, gutting chicks, yay! (I say this with the upmost sarcasm, but hey, once we've done that enough, we get to do the shows, flying the birds and so on.
 I have a large bruise on my leg, it makes my ankle look twisted and odd, and I can't feel anything if I poke it, unless I poke the skin around it, so that's quite cool. Well, maybe cool's the wrong word to use, but yeah.. Words.
 This is about it. I've kind of run out of words, and/or things to say. So.. I will maybe..maybe talk again, but hopefully I'll be back at school tomorrow. All being well.

So...yeah.
 -Me

Fingers of Fury!

Hey there!
 Okay, so maybe my last post was a little.. embarrassing. But I swear to the lord, if you dare to keep reminding me of it, I'll hate you. Or something.
 I came back from school for the weekend, kinda obvious I guess as I'm actually writing this, but hey, don't shoot the messenger!
 School's still great, though I'm really fed up of GCSE's, given that they're all around the same time.
My mother seems to be shocked about the speed of my typing, it's really nothing special. People at school have the same reaction too, come to think of it. Guess I'm just good with my hands, and moving them quickly (though not catching, damn you bouncy balls! Why must you always escape me?!)
Apparently I'm a visual learner, to be honest, we kinda knew that anyways, but at least someone's said something now. My laptops infected, probably, but I'll sort that out.
 I'm being pushed to do my Art GCSE a year early, which is great, I think. Just irritating, I have to take so many pictures of cats, and draw cats, I better be able to draw a cat with my eyes closed by the time Im done with this, come to think of it, I've never actually tried to do that with drawing dragons, bet I could do it though.
 I'm moving room at my Step-mothers and Fathers, I've found the colour I like, and actually have a pretty neat (and easy design) in my head, just haven't told my step-mother yet. If it's not allowed, Im going to be upset. :(
 Im being held down and tickled after school now, only by my friends, and only in a friendly manner, I'm allowed to tickle them back.
 I've become a bit of an activity nut, I've started doing as much swimming as possible, and Joined canoeing on Tuesday evenings, (it's invitation only :D ).
 We have to go out any buy shoes, because I want some that havent got holes in.

 But anyways, I'll go now. :) Bye
 -Moi

Vague..ness

Going back to school tomorrow.
 Im looking forward to it.
I think.
Well, I know I am.
 Just.. weird, you know? Spending christmas with your family, only to go back to school and pretend nothing ever happened. Well, I know it did happen, but that doesn't stop it feeling like it didn't. There's loads of stuff, I want to do, but I never get time, or people aren't in the right moods.
 But, im not all depressed about it, just because its my first christmas like this, thats all.
It'll change, im sure of it. After all, i've been through worse.
 And you've been there, havent you? Well, most of you. I think almost all of you really, even if you haven't been reading this.
 Heck, I don't even read this.
 Just let it flow.
Feel like a fool when I re-read it.

Not gonna lie though, I've missed my friends, all of them, a hell of a lot, excuse my language.
 So much, im not sure a single waking moment has gone by when I haven't been thinking about one of them, or their reactions to things. I think I finally have decent friends, that will stick by me.
Which is nice.
 Still can't spell properly. But.. eh.

Still doesn't get over the fact that tomorrow's going to be hard. Very hard.
 But I have a new task, this blog needs a new header, the old one is.. well.. old.
So I'll have to do something about that, or at least try. Maybe use one of my many dragons. Or multiple ones.
No promises.

I'll get over it. Because I do.
 Don't you worry.
Not that I thought you were gonna.
 Typical though, isnt it?
I start back on my blog a few days before leaving again.
 Guess thats when I need to start writing down feelings. Why do they get in the way? Feelings. I can see why the Cybermen got rid of them, they get in the way. But then, I guess we wouldn't have imagination without them.
Not my important feelings though, no-one needs to hear those. They're just for me..my innermost thoughts.. about things..

The winds really blustery. I kinda like that. Helps me think.. to concentrate, I don't really know why.. it's just sort of.. comforting. You'know? Well, I suppose you probably don't.
Anyway. Incase I don't write tomorrow. Have a nice.. however long it is till I next write. :)

 -Moi

First post of 2014!

Hey guys/gals!
 Yeah, I'm still alive. :)
Happy new year!
Merry Christmas!
Or you know, whatever it is now. I kinda loose track of time.
I did actually write whilst I was at school, I'll post that in just a second, just have to say, I meant it at the time, I still kinda do, but the next day I found something out that changed my disposition slightly. :)
So, without further ado, here's a rant!;

It’s not a disorder you know. Autism. I don’t care what people say, Autism is not, and never shall be, a disorder. How can it be? We’re gifted.
 We may be disadvantaged in so many different ways, and not fit properly into society, but by the gods, are we not human?
 People don’t call those in wheelchairs a wheelchair disorder or something do they? So how is it that this is one? We’re not that different, we just need help. Like people in wheelchairs need help, or the elderly, just some guidance. That’s all. Disorder. A disruption of order. Order? What part of any human’s life is ordered? We don’t go around with massive check lists and follow routines to the letter. Sure, we may have them, but I don’t think there is a single person out there who’s never been late, early, or forgotten something, it’s in our nature.  I might hate every minute of being ‘different’ but what I hate more than that, is being referenced to as if I’m some page in a book of problems, fed up of reading next to my name ‘Suffers from Asperger’s.’ Suffers from? I’m not suffering. Yes. I get angry, yes, I cannot control my emotions properly and have trouble expressing myself and say the wrong things a lot. Yes, I don’t really understand much of social life, but I think I understand more things better than ‘normal’ people. I understand that life is not forever, and that what I do right now, affects the rest of my life. I know that I have difficulties with some things, but I’m okay at others. I might never grow up to be an artist, or a writer, or anything I want to do. But it doesn’t mean I’m not going to try. Because if you only get one life, why would I want to spend it wasting my time not achieving my goals? I’m at a special school now, to help me with my problems, and encourage me at other things. We’re working on my confidence, little by little, I’m learning about what I need to say to be ‘normal’ I’m learning the mould I need to fit in for the rest of my life, or at least most of it. But I’m happier than I have been in a long time. Surrounded by people like me, some of them need more help than others, but we all kind of help each other. Every minute of every day, just by being around, showing that there are other kids like us. That you’re not alone in what would appear to be a vicious world. That someone does actually care, who is not in your family.
How am I to explain to a world so firmly set in its ways that we’re like them? We’re no different, we just need a little more care and help than most. Because like those in wheelchairs, we have issues we need help getting over. But because our ‘disorder’ is not physical, you cannot see it. People overlook us, shove us away, and bully us. Do we deserve to be bullied? Is it our fault we were born like this? I don’t think so.So if you only learn one thing from this. Learn that just because a child is having a ‘breakdown’ doesn’t mean it’s bad parenting, maybe that child has some problems, maybe the parent is trying their very hardest, but just can’t calm them down. Maybe you should ask, and not just judge based on first impressions. Because if anything hurts us, it’s the looks people give you when you have problems that aren’t your fault that hurt the most.And I’m tired of being labelled as different or wrong, no-matter how gently people put it

Quite a rant, amiright?
But.. anyway.
My imagination's come back :D
I have a new story rolling through my head, this doesn't mean my old one is dead, I still write bits in my GCSE work. It's just sleeping, untill I've sorted things out, and gathered more information.
I have more stuff! Arty stuff :D
And I taught myself basic choice script programming. :D
I really hope your life is going good, if not... well. I want to fix it. But.. if I can't, I'm sorry.

-Me

.

Social life, say what now?

S'been a while eh?
Well school and stuff have pulled me away.
Thats right, school!
I tried to update my blog whilst I was away, but the internet there bans it. Probably due to information some people place on here. But whatever.
S'allmost christmas.
Schools great, Im having a heckalot o therapy. Apparently its working, my friends are all awesome. Needless to say.
And I'm just a happy chappy now.
Therapy gets a little annoying though, I'll admit, especially Life skills. But I suppose it must be helping me, im pretty sure my confidence has increased tenfold since being there.
We go out alot. And I mean, alot!
But its awesome! I feel so relaxed at school, im actually embracing my inner geekiness, which lets be frank, is probably a good thing. But I can be me there, and not judged. Sure im called weird, but like all the other kids, we just return it with. 'So are you, that's why were here!'
 Christmas is gonna be awesome! I just know it! Even if I don't get everything I asked for (which is probably a good thing.) it's still gonna be great!
The only bad things about school are the internet, which we're trying to sort out (the kids) and the fact I dont have much time to write or draw anymore, my social life kinda gets in the way now. xD
SOCIAL LIFE! HAHAHA~!
They're gonna give me extra school work, 'cause apparently my English skills are better than most of the kids, and they think i can do really well in there. Looking at this blog, i'd say otherwise. but then, im writing this in a hurry as my thoughts just skitter, so who can really blame me?
 I have a weighted blanket, it's awesome, look it up. :)
I've been told i need to work on empathy.
So that's cool.
Um.. yeah...
I'm going to get a half-brother (Dad + Step-mum). I consider that fairly big news.... Big news...Due around February or somewhere.
Don't get me wrong, dont interpret this reaction as not caring.. it just doesn't affect me yet, im sure I'll absolutley adore them when he arrives. But for now? My mind is just sort of filing away in a folder labeled. 'Read soon.'
...Dragons...
Superheroes.
Omgawsh, Batman. I have a batman shirt! YAY! I never thought i'd be soo geeky, but looking back, I've always loved batman. (NO not in 'that' way!) so i guess im not suprised.
My room at school is awesome. really, really cool. Just a shame I onyl really sleep in it. :P
Well. This post is long. And full of random shizzles.
So I'll say ta-ta! :D If I dont speak to you this week, see you after school term, or before, if im a ninja! :D
-Yours
Dark Overlord Sparklypants
(AkA, moi)

Randome and bad spellingsz

Fff, so much pain inside my head telling me to poooosttt, when I have nooothing to sayyyyy!
 I went to school! Yaaaaya! And it was good, we did losts of things, I met lots of people. I'm still insane, I think I still probably one of the most insane peoples at teh school, but thats cool, being insane is AWSOMEEEE! You can get away with so much random shizzles. XD
 We went to Warrick Castle at the weekend, when I say we, I mean my step-mother, my father, and my brother. It was great. Awsome, amazing.
 I don't have alot to say, but I've done quite a bit.
 Mum bought me dragons, lots of dragons, well, two, but thats still lots, and It's awsome.
She's on a mission to find a batman shirt, or hopefully will be. I am too.
 My brothers reading this, so I'll say hi for him.
HI!
Ach, I have little to say now. xD

-Me
Sorry.

Tears over words

Hey.
Been drawing with this tablet constantly, it's probably one of the best things ever, and I have to say, even though t'is not mine, I've become attached to it. xD
 Apparently my poetry make's people cry, which is odd because it's not supposed to. But then, poetry is supposed to make people feel things, so tears is a good thing I guess.
 My tomato plants are ill, or dying. I may have over-watered them. Hopefully they'll get better.
I had a really bad dizzy spell today, I remember walking into the kitchen, and realising a dizzy spell was coming on, but I don't remember anything else, save the noise and feeling of my legs as they tried to fall from under me. Apparently I'd grabbed the door, so that helped I guess. Mum made me sit down and have a drink, I was fine though, still don't see what the fuss was about, but it made her happy. A spell like that has only happened once before, in the corridor.
 I've drawn a few more dragons. :3
Today's been really hard. I may be depressed today, I was happy yesterday, so It only makes sense.
Emhhh, anyway, I'll be taking my leave now.

Poems and Tablets

Hellew again peoplez!
I bet you didn't expect me to post, what with my sporadic posting times. But anywayyyyy I am posting, because I feel like I almost have to now xD Im sure this will quickly fade away.
 My mum found the graphics/drawing tablet, because apparently my step-father had one, which means at least I don't have to save up for one, it's something I've wanted for a while. I would have posted earlier, but I was kinda drawing, and have only just finished.
 I'm drawing small pictures of dragons atmo, like, little profile pictures, it's quite fun, I don't know why I haven't done it before. The tablets difficult to use, the actual..proper usage is easy, but It's odd to not use a mouse or an actual pencil, and be able to rotate the image like I'm so used to when I draw with pencil on paper.
 I went and looked around Neondragon.com again, because I felt like it, and found two banners/T-shirt designs I've fallen in love with, mainly because they're basically saying things I say, but in.. graphic(?) format. Yeah, so I'll put these pictures at the end of the blog, not sure if I'll do anything else with them.
 Mmm, I should probably mention my twitter account my mother made me create, not that I wasn't willing. (@ScaledFeet).
 It's a bit of an odd day today. Not really sure whats happening, and the day feels looooooooooooong.
Oh, I'd like to share a poem I wrote a while ago with you guys, because I wanted to show someone, but I'm too nervous to actually ask. (I'll share it after the pictures, or something).
 My laptop overheats to often, it doesn't like not being a laptop, it overheats on a flat surface, so I have to have it almost falling off my lap, so the fans are clear. Mm, It's a lot better though. :)
 Okay, I've ran out of things to say (I think yesterday's post was the longest post I've done in a while.)

The Gates that welcome you

The darkness descends,

A pale life ends,

Gasping breaths,

Limp hands falling upon death bed,

Shaking hand upon breast,

Senses detecting the sullen death,

More gasping breaths,

But because of the death,

The flood gates open,

The heavens open,

From their throne,

You are welcomed to their home,

To rest evermore,

Upon the beaches,

Or along the shore,

A new life full of fun,

Set under an eternal sun.

-Me

Mine :3

Sort of rambling

OHMYGOD!
164 VIEWS YESTERDAY?! (Or something along those lines)
Mother soup, whats going on?
Annnywayy.

So I'm back on my laptop yay. Well, it at least means I can type faster, and therefore more, doesn't mean the contents going to be any better.
Smudge is just lounging around on my step-sisters bed. I never really understood that, she has a bed here, but hardly ever uses it. I don't mind, ofc. But it's just...different to have an extra bed in the room with you, and know that no-ones going to climb in or out of it in the mornings, save very few occasions now.
 Nothings happened school wise yet, I mean, we know where I'm going, but no-ones actually said when I can start, so I have a load of random shizzles laying around in my room.
 My story's going well, I started writing it again, it's a steady pace, but I keep getting lost, I find this part I'm writing very hard, but then I guess when you actually start writing a proper story, instead of random scribbles, it's going to get hard.
 There are lots of spiders in my vicinity, or however you spell it. I accidentally screamed out an expletive today whilst lifting up a watering can, I hate spiders. I hate them, I hate them, I hate them! But I will protect them from people that want to cause them harm, just because It's a spider and I dis-like it, doesn't mean it shouldn't live, after all, they're ever so helpful, and are more likely terrified of us, to the point of heart attack.
 I had a Slytherin badge, I lost it on my first outing with it, so that was rubbish. My step-mother told me that the only reason I liked Slytherin was the snake, kinda offended, I've always liked Slytherin, I mean, I seem to  attach myself always to the evil side in stories, or books. For heavens sake, in WoW, I never really enjoyed 'raiding' I hated killing the awesome leader bad-guys. It's just mean, they only want to take over the world, why not let them?
 My family had a huge argument over the weekend, I ended up burning my feet, they're actually fine, but they burnt a long time after that, I really should have put some shoes on.
 I haven't played or talked with any of my friends in a while, I may be going mad. I'm hiding on Skype, I'm online, but Invisible, I just cannot bring myself to log 'online' or even start talking to anyone.
 I've gotten better at drawing cats, bi-pedal creatures, and wolves. My dragons are slightly more fluid now too, and not nearly as blocky and rubbish as they used to be. It makes me laugh, because above my head right now, stuck on the wall is one of my first pictures of a dragon, in my series 'Dragon Friends' I drew for a while. His head is basically a square, whereas now their heads are small, or large, but always curvy, they don't nearly look as un-weildly as this ones. I don't know if thats how you spell it.
 Everyone's going to proms, and putting HUGE amounts of makeup on. I really dont see the appeal, but I don't know, maybe when I'm older, I'll want to do this, but we'll just have to see what time brings, I'll get teased, thats for sure, I'm always being teased, or poked fun at. Not that I don't mind it, it's just an observation.
I've just realised my typings gotten better, I'm not really looking at they keyboard anymore, or the screen that much, as I type right now, I'm looking out the window. It's kinda sad, but hey, I suppose it's one good thing that's come out of this... 'Isolation'..as my mother calls it. Really it's just time for me to think over my life, and figure out what the heck I'm going to do, not that I have yet, but you gotta have some positive thoughts, right?
 Recently I'm having trouble realizing my life is real, I get hit very suddenly by the question in my head of what I'm going to do next, then I get sad because I realize I'm going to die someday. I'm sort of floating away now I think, not really tying myself down, my body seems to be a link at the moment, hopefully that will go, like a phase.
 Well, I'll be going now, I've rambled enough.
 Bye!

Oopsles

Eep, gonna be honest, I'd forgotten about my blog. So ty mum for making a page on FB. Or who-ever it was.
 We have kittens, new ones because Baghira died. So yah. They're cute, and currently hiding behind my drawers in my room. They haven't got names yet, people keep sugesting stupid names.
Life's boring, but at least I'm going to school soon.
Typing on a phone is hard, do I'm going to stop now, sorry for any spelling errors. See you around!
-Me

Just nattering

Life is a complicated mess, we're always halfway between living and dying, from the moment we're born, we are slowly dying. But our brains, just become more alive. It's an odd set of existence.
 I got my phone today, it's pretty nifty. I love it.
 I got new shoes. They're nifty too.
I got a poem stuck in my head. Which is currently being filled with deep poems, dark comments, and strange thoughts, also, a story, which is wondrous.
Demons run when a good man goes to war
Night will fall and drown in sun 
When a good man goes to war
Friendship dies and true love lies
Night will fall and the dark will rise 
When a good man goes to war
Demons run but count the cost 
The battles won but the child is lost
Doctor Who, so fridging deep sometimes. I dont know if that's what you'd call it.
Everythings a mess, I mean to tidy it up, I just dont, which is annoying, but I'll get there.
My hair was cut, apparently it's not normal to be able to feel when your hairs being cut off, and it hurts slightly.
 I just wanted to talk to you, Im bored, and have little else to do.

Robotic dragons, School and Pókemon. Because they're that cool.

Good Evening my friends.
My nightmare must have foretold my future, for that day we discovered I'd be going to my preferred school. ^^  As Long as the Council or whatever doesn't appeal, i'll be in school by the end of September! When mum rang me up and told me, my 'yay' was incredibly quiet, I almost whispered it. I'll admit though, I haven't shown that much joy, but I am hit in waves at night when I'm alone. It'll probably vamp up in anxiety and excitement as we get nearer.
 I've been outside drawing a lot it the sun. I started drawing robotic dragons, it's a very dark theme. For they are listed as 'experiments' and are harvested half the time from the wild, their brains and organic tissue being used where it's useful. Hearts and organ's being used as a 'primary life system' I'm quite pleased with them, the legs are wonderful, and so much fun to draw.
 I watched a Pókemon movie today, with MewTwo in. It's always been one of my favourite Pókemon. Just because he's awsome, and I love the idea he was cloned and doesn't feel he fits in anywhere. His entire life is spent searching for a place for him and his clone buddies to 'belong.' He also has the best proverbs (?).
 One of my robotic dragon's has a sad story behind him. He make's me so proud, my creation's are wonderful, at least in my mind, for no matter how ugly they appear to other people, their insides are wonderous, each has a back story, it may be small, but they still have one.
 I wan't to write a load of creepy dark stuff. I think I might. But I don't know where.

Nightmare's

I had a nightmare last night, I'm still a little bit freaked out by it, because It was one that felt realistic, and I think I've had nightmares about certain things in it before.
 They made me go back to my old School, and I was shoved in a class, don't ask me what class, or who the pupils where, I have no idea, but I had three friends gathered around the same table as me, we where against the wall, but I did have more friends, and the class seemed to be a mix of year 1's to year 10's. The lesson had finished and the teacher asked me to pull the tables back together, I often did that at my old school, she was an old lady, really small and her hair was grey and her eyes where a dull blue. She had glasses and was hunched over slightly. I said No. And her lips pursed, or whatever you call it. She asked again, and I said 'No because I'm fed up of doing stuff for you.' She asked me something else and I refused, I don't really remember why but my friends and some of the small kids got given detention, along with me. We had to walk along a really long corridor, into a hall with a room to one side, each of us had to get in the line into that room, and I't was a really long line. I kept having to reassure people, they where always crying. Inside the room was a huge cave, with a really, really, really, steep drop, so steep it was pitch black, and there where actual clouds covering it. The clouds where tinged with blue and purple. There was a small shack protruding from the side of the cliff, into the abyss, it was held there by a rickety platform, you know the type, when you go the the Pier at the beach and you can see through the wood into the floor below, only there was no floor below this wood, and it was paper thin. We had to walk up there and get out dinner from the rickety shack, luckily no-one fell. We then went into the hallway, and I woke up.
 But I must have spent at least five minutes on that platform, and when I woke up, I was terrified of school 'today' then I realized I didn't have any, and was suddenly hit by a wave of emotion. One of the school propositions was in my dream, the one we don't want, but I don't remember what happened.
 And Yes, I know I suddenly went quiet, I just had nothing really to say, and when I woke up no-one was around to talk to, so Instead I settled for you guys.
 -Me

Lets dance!

Hey!
 I have no idea what Im going to write, so apolobogies now for whatever horrendous things I say.
I've been out visiting my grandfather today, so that was fun, we did lots of random things, and it appeared we just walked along the street, shoving our noses into people's houses and talking to them. I wish my life was like that, It would be so much fun forcing yourself upon some random person on your street, I mean, obviously we knew the people, but they had no idea we where coming. xD
 I saw alot of clay pigs, and an elephant. The pigs where amazing, they looked real, they didn't look like one of those typical, comical fat pigs, they actually looked correct, their legs where right, their faces, and everything. I really couldn't quite get out how much I liked them.
 My brother's decided he wants to build a land rover, lets see how long that lasts. ^^
I'm attempting to master the art of animation, so far I have only made a dragon breath fire, and It kind of flopped a little when it came to removing the fire, I'm not sure why.
 That's all I really have to say. It's a nice day, isnt it?
:)

Nothing in Particular

Hellew. o.0
 I'm listening to music from Evita now. I don't know why, I just randomly started listening to music like that last night, and I'm still listening to it now.
 Not that I haven't slept, I did that, but then woke up and started listening to more music.

 I think maybe I'm going a bit cooku, or whoever you spell it. I'm supposed to be showering right now, or doing something interesting, but I'm sitting here, talking to you, and listening to music. I'd forgotten how much of this film I remember, each song reminds me of a specific moment, I'm just glad 'Don't cry for me, Argentina' hasn't come on yet. I might actually cry on that one.
 My parents felt stressed yesterday, I don't really know why, and I'm not going to ask, If it's important, I'm sure we'll be told. I almost had a meltdown yesterday, I just got very, very angry, and anything any of my friends just hacked me off more. Luckily I went to bed before I could blow my top, listening to instrumentals helped. I think possibly this is why I'm just listening to this sort of music now.
 I don't know if my step-sisters coming round today, but I'll clean my room anyway, because It's a mess, and someone has to do it. ^^
 I found someone of Deviant Art who has a dragon called Cole, It's sort of a robotic looking one, and very space age. We're doing an art trade now, so I have to draw theirs, and they mine. I'm a little bit worried, because I've never drawn something like that yesterday. But I did a little tester, and I think It'll work.
 Omgosh, this is the song with the posh people in! :)
Lord, I really need to get a life, I'm so very typically teenager-y, I'm sure all people my age listen to musical music. Ah, Péron's Latest Fling. It's so much fun to listen to. All this music actually tells a story, I suppose that's maybe why I like musicals, I like music that tells a story, or pictures that tell a story.
 I'm sorry. xD.
The telly doesn't seem to work anymore, which is odd, because it did shortly before mum came home, and I think it did for a while whilst she was there. But now people can't watch their favourite telly, and I cannot watch documentaries.
 I really hate it when Auto-correct tells you to correct English spelling into American. Not that I have anything about America or the Americans, I just hardly see how 'mom' or 'favorite' is correct spelling. :3 But I'm sure Americans think the same of the British.
 Anyway, I'll go, because I cannot type anything else that interesting.
-Me

*happy dance*

It is done! Finally I have finished my picture for the new header thingy. :3 I quite like it, The 'scales' where fun to draw, just a lot of splodges of different colours, all mixed together.
 I think my brothers trying to wind me up, occasionally he goes 'HA-HA' really loudly, and sounds vaugley like a donkey.
 Today my grandad came over for a bit, that was fun. ^^
 Okay, so I only really posted for something to do, as I actually have no idea what to write.
 Im listening, Oh there he is again xD, Im listening to awesome music today, it's depressing, and awesome at the same time, I call it, 'Depawesome' thats actually a terrible name. XD
 Ech, I'll go now.
Good day! ^^

Lets try to be happy!

Let's try something new.
 I'm tired of using this blog to post my feelings, well, my depressing ones, and yet I still do it because it is easier. So I'm going to try and keep this post free of depressing things, from now.

 I've been practicing dragons, a lot. I can draw wings much better now, feet are becoming easier, and I think I've found a style of head I made up myself, to say, I didn't stare at others artwork to get the idea. I got this head by scribbling in my big pad of paper when my Step-Sister was doing homework or something. Or twitter, or one of those social networking sites, It doesn't really matter.
 I'm going to use that head design on the new title I'm working on, because as my small description thing says, I should really draw my own, as I can draw dragons now.
 She got a job, my Step-Sister did. And I'm pleased, because that means she's growing up, and will be able to do what she wants soon, shes clever, and I've never seen her as sitting down in an office, I'm pretty sure something to do with animals will come in somewhere in her life. ^^
 I listen to a lot of music when I'm alone now, and most of it is depressing, but right now I'm only listening to cheery music, because there's no need to listen to sad music when I'm trying to be happy.
 I'm going to be able to go to school soon! I'll say that because we don't know which school, maybe my blog will cheer up when I go, as it used to before.
 I forgot to make my tea, the teabag was in the water for 15 minutes or something, because there was a lot of that floatey dark stuff on the surface.
 At the moment I think my favourite band things are Imagine Dragons, and Bastille. To be honest, 'Imagine Dragons' was obvious, I'm pretty sure I'd like them even if their music was terrible. Bastille seem to make songs based around legends and gods and events in our history, it's awesome.
 We're growing plants, well, I'm growing plants, my brother waters when he remembers, and helps plant them, mum looks after them when we're not here. Grandad gave us six tomato plants, three each, and bought a small plastic tomato house for them all. My brother named his, Nikki, Tom, and Jerry. I prefer Tom, just because I still prefer that name.
 I watched someone draw a realistic wolf yesterday, and helped her with the creation of it, from the pelt colour, to the lighting, to the winking emote. She wanted to make it blink, but I told her to make it wink, and she did. It was also neon pink and had neon blue stripes, but apparently that's not 'realistic' :P

 I've ran out of things to say. But I'm leaving this post feeling slightly better, I should do that more often.
-Me