Hello my friends.
Sorry about my rant yesterday, i think i just needed to get things off my chest. And i thank you for your patience. Tomorrow, if i am correct, and i believe i am, we are moving house properly this time. So i wont have any internet for ohh, lets say a month. This obviously means you wont be getting any posts from me, unless i can somehow get onto the internets. (and be bothered to post. I know its annoying, but its true.) However, this does not mean i have forgotten, in deed, i have never forgotten about you, and always felt bad about not posting or replying to comments.
I just thought you'd want to know, because this time i have and actual, decent excuse instead of the normal. 'oh i cant be bothered.'
I have nothing much to say, other then that and i ache alot. But hey! Movings fun :P
- Me
Oh and Dustwing says hi :D
Wednesday 28 November 2012
Tuesday 27 November 2012
Its official
Thats it. No more hiding or lying to myself. Its official. Im slowly falling away from reality again. *sigh* Once more embracing the dark, dark world i fill with dragons in futile attempts to make it slightly easier to bear. Only this time, i have no idea why i have fallen down again.
I thought you might appreciate the post. Not that anyone really reads this anymore. I've seen the visitor statistics. They're not great. However i am astounded at these few people who come back. It would appear you have a vein hope to see a new blog. Or read something i have written. Either that or you simply stumble down here by accident. No matter. Your here. Thats what i should focus on.
You know. A dark corridor is usually the most warm and welcoming place to be in situations. You can hide in the shadows. No-one bothers you. You just become....a shadow yourself. Standing on the very edge of reality letting normal things like mortality worry others. Because you dont have to worry about the small amount of time you are allotted on this earth when you do not technically exist. I mean, sure, if you looked hard enough, you could spot someone, but its far easier to pass them quickly on your way down. Rushing off to do something like. I dont know, make dinner.
Couple that with the fact im still afraid of the dark and yet place myself in these situations and you get a small husk of a person. Hiding in the corners. Watching you as you go about your business slightly worried somethings going to grab them from the shadows and wrench them from this world, into another.
Today i looked at my cat, through a wall of random tears, and i swear, I've never had a moment where i wanted her to talk to me so badly. Just to open her small, delicate words and speak. She could have, I know she can. Im sure of it, its just whether i'll be able to understand her, or she'll want to talk to me thats important.
Not that i'd have any issue with being taken into another world. Well, no issue other then i would miss my brother, mother, step father, step sister, dad, and step mother. It might be fun though, i might find i fit better in the other world. Maybe others would see the mystical creatures sitting in the corners, other then me. Because i do see them. Sure all my eyes actually see is an empty space. But its my imagination i trust more then my eyesight. It allows me to imagine a small creature, watching me and everyone around, waiting and wondering if anyone else sees it.
We're moving house. Not sure about that. I dont really want to move, but then again. It might be fun. We get a new room, this time downstairs, and i can hang around with the ghost horse that haunts the barn 'Leyum.' Its not actually a 'ghost horse' persay. Its just next door the neighbours have a horse, but we cannot see its field, its blocked by the what must have been once a stable block. And therefore, in a fit of imaginative genius from both mine and my step sisters part, we decided that it was actually a ghost horse.
Im still not in school. I wrote a email to David Cameron. Asking why i couldnt go to school. Next time, i think i'll write a letter. Asking if ive done anything to offend the goverment, and if this is my punishment for telling the police about my friends inappropriate behavior. We go to vist schools, my mother and step father more then myself. Everyone seems to expect me to have so much to say about them. What do you want me to say? 'Sure. This schools brilliant.' Because i know you want me to say what i think is wrong with it and what is fine. But im not that picky. As i have said plenty of times. I just want to go to school. The education and help on social matters is just a bonus. And i want this bonus. But i dont think you'll find the perfect school with the correct academical standards and the right psychological ones. But maybe you will, and it just takes time. Time i have. Sure, i might be in adult hood or near it when this time comes. Sure, it may be tomorrow and yes, maybe, just maybe i will cease to be the person people recognise. But i, nor my family. Ever asked for this. And Sawston. I probably shouldn't say this. But you deserved to burn down. For lying to me, for lying to my mother, my father, my step father, my friends. For punishing victims and not those that inflicted pain. For promising i'd be safe. And lying, for not doing anything. For allowing my best friends to go down the steep, dark path of cruelty they fell into. For not helping. For abandoning the children you strive to protect when they need you. And wherever you are Mr Headteacher. I'll find you one day. And when i do. You better not be near any rubber chickens. >:3
Well that turned very dark. I'd never actually hurt anyone, never, i just want to impose that fact. But i might hit Mr headteacher with a rubber chicken, if we come across one and each other at the same time.
So now im not sleeping again. My games i used to play in my head before falling asleep have abandoned me. And im fed up of spending my time alone. But i enjoy it. I do miss school for one thing. I miss the regularity of seeing my friends. And watching their smiles.
I need to go now. I want to go now. Im going to force myself to watch some fantasy drama of some sort.
Side note: Dustwing is crawling out again. Im not sure if shes going to start writing again however.
=/ Bye my friends.
And thank you.
I thought you might appreciate the post. Not that anyone really reads this anymore. I've seen the visitor statistics. They're not great. However i am astounded at these few people who come back. It would appear you have a vein hope to see a new blog. Or read something i have written. Either that or you simply stumble down here by accident. No matter. Your here. Thats what i should focus on.
You know. A dark corridor is usually the most warm and welcoming place to be in situations. You can hide in the shadows. No-one bothers you. You just become....a shadow yourself. Standing on the very edge of reality letting normal things like mortality worry others. Because you dont have to worry about the small amount of time you are allotted on this earth when you do not technically exist. I mean, sure, if you looked hard enough, you could spot someone, but its far easier to pass them quickly on your way down. Rushing off to do something like. I dont know, make dinner.
Couple that with the fact im still afraid of the dark and yet place myself in these situations and you get a small husk of a person. Hiding in the corners. Watching you as you go about your business slightly worried somethings going to grab them from the shadows and wrench them from this world, into another.
Today i looked at my cat, through a wall of random tears, and i swear, I've never had a moment where i wanted her to talk to me so badly. Just to open her small, delicate words and speak. She could have, I know she can. Im sure of it, its just whether i'll be able to understand her, or she'll want to talk to me thats important.
Not that i'd have any issue with being taken into another world. Well, no issue other then i would miss my brother, mother, step father, step sister, dad, and step mother. It might be fun though, i might find i fit better in the other world. Maybe others would see the mystical creatures sitting in the corners, other then me. Because i do see them. Sure all my eyes actually see is an empty space. But its my imagination i trust more then my eyesight. It allows me to imagine a small creature, watching me and everyone around, waiting and wondering if anyone else sees it.
We're moving house. Not sure about that. I dont really want to move, but then again. It might be fun. We get a new room, this time downstairs, and i can hang around with the ghost horse that haunts the barn 'Leyum.' Its not actually a 'ghost horse' persay. Its just next door the neighbours have a horse, but we cannot see its field, its blocked by the what must have been once a stable block. And therefore, in a fit of imaginative genius from both mine and my step sisters part, we decided that it was actually a ghost horse.
Im still not in school. I wrote a email to David Cameron. Asking why i couldnt go to school. Next time, i think i'll write a letter. Asking if ive done anything to offend the goverment, and if this is my punishment for telling the police about my friends inappropriate behavior. We go to vist schools, my mother and step father more then myself. Everyone seems to expect me to have so much to say about them. What do you want me to say? 'Sure. This schools brilliant.' Because i know you want me to say what i think is wrong with it and what is fine. But im not that picky. As i have said plenty of times. I just want to go to school. The education and help on social matters is just a bonus. And i want this bonus. But i dont think you'll find the perfect school with the correct academical standards and the right psychological ones. But maybe you will, and it just takes time. Time i have. Sure, i might be in adult hood or near it when this time comes. Sure, it may be tomorrow and yes, maybe, just maybe i will cease to be the person people recognise. But i, nor my family. Ever asked for this. And Sawston. I probably shouldn't say this. But you deserved to burn down. For lying to me, for lying to my mother, my father, my step father, my friends. For punishing victims and not those that inflicted pain. For promising i'd be safe. And lying, for not doing anything. For allowing my best friends to go down the steep, dark path of cruelty they fell into. For not helping. For abandoning the children you strive to protect when they need you. And wherever you are Mr Headteacher. I'll find you one day. And when i do. You better not be near any rubber chickens. >:3
Well that turned very dark. I'd never actually hurt anyone, never, i just want to impose that fact. But i might hit Mr headteacher with a rubber chicken, if we come across one and each other at the same time.
So now im not sleeping again. My games i used to play in my head before falling asleep have abandoned me. And im fed up of spending my time alone. But i enjoy it. I do miss school for one thing. I miss the regularity of seeing my friends. And watching their smiles.
I need to go now. I want to go now. Im going to force myself to watch some fantasy drama of some sort.
Side note: Dustwing is crawling out again. Im not sure if shes going to start writing again however.
=/ Bye my friends.
And thank you.
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