Not blaming

Before I go to bed. I wanted to write this. Its.. it's sort of, an apology, and a declaration at the same time.
 I hate how much time I've been spending in my room, I really do. I don't know wether to come or go, where to be, what to do. So I've been sticking with what feel's right, especially as I dont know how to act eaither, it's safer if im alone, people don't read my body expressions. But, I want to be with you my family, and I really hate this, I sound so pathetic, and i'm not.
 Maybe I am, I don't know. I don't know alot anymore, and Im tired of this, Im tired of sounding like a fool, and a pathetic little girl who whines all the time, because that's all I really am, if you get down to it. That's what i see anyhow.
 But I also like spending time alone, because, well, its comfortable. But I get so very lonely, and I hate it. I dont. I dont. Urhg.
 I dont even do much anymore in my room, games are becoming boring, I just sit there! Im a lazy ass, who cant decide between solitude or family.
I dont blame you if you are fed up with me.