The Pit

Its been a while.. But I really saw no point in posting.
 Not, because of the readers, just because.. well, I dont see the point in alot of things anymore.
I think I've found my favourite poem..which is really a shame, because apparently It makes my friend that showed it to me sad and cry. So I sit there and listen to it, and wonder why im smiling like a freak. But hey, I  never was/am very good at showing emotion. The poems about bullying. And I think my favourite bit is in the middle. I guess I'll send you the link to the youtube video of it. Just.. yeah whatever. I don't know how old this poem is, or anything really about it, I guess its sorta new.. but whatever.

 You know, there's a pit in the bottom of my mind, with the jaws of a monster, like when you're little and you see those images of giant worm like creatures with terrifying mouths. The Pit has a mouth like that, the walls down to it are sloped in a funnel, and for most people, I guess you have wings, you can sit and the rim and look upwards. But, it's like im constantly in the funnel, attempting to climb, but always slipping a little bit further down.
 And I can thank the goverment, they're promising and promising to help all school kids, and yet they postponed the tribunal that would help me. So the pit gets closer, and I slip. Im not in it's jaws yet, but there's a small part of me that is scared, of what I might become if I fall, and I don't want to fall. I can't watch the news anymore really because it always seem's to be about schools, or how people are being saved somewhere in the world, and they're getting a great education. Mp's saying things like 'Children are our future, and we need to help them' or some shizz. So why are they not helping me?
 My family has to suffer with a annoying, depressed child that says sorry too much because the goverment keeps ignoring us, or shoving us further down the funnel. It's like those stories you get of kid's flushing other children's heads down the toilet. Only, the goverment is the one shoving our head into the toilet.
 And I don't understand, why are they not helping? Why do they keep coming up with lies, and forcing us to be hurt just that little bit more? The really nasty thing is, I only really got shunted out of school because I told on my friend's so they could have some help, and then my friends go and flipping lie. HOW ARE THEY SUPPOSED TO GET HELP?!
 And I know, I know they're not my friends anymore, but It makes me cry looking back, because I talked to the police to get them help, not because I wanted to hurt them or something. I don't understand why they did this, I thought we where friends. We were friends.
 I don't know who to talk to anymore. I keep asking 'Im fine' when asked, but I dont want to be questioned into telling people what's wrong. I want to be left alone. But I don't want to be left alone.
 But the thing is, Im not the only one. I've met countless people over the internet that feel the same, three of those at least live in England, and one's not told anyone save their friends. I don't know what to do anymore, because this cant be simply down to the Aspergus.
 But then. I am a freak, because I laugh at sadness, I spurt out stupid thing and people give me such looks. My face is only really good for smiling, but I don't want to do alot of that.
 There's a picture in my room of my step-sister and me as really little children, I dunno, 8-12 I guess. It makes me so sad. Because we're both smiling so happily, and I can't see an ounce of sadness in either of our faces.
 People ask me why I prefer the floor to a bed or a seat. I'll tell you why, part of the real reason. Because It's more comfortable to me, when I was little I had problems with my bowels, I needed the look without proir warning all of a sudden. It was eaiser to hold It in if it crept up to me when I was on a hard surface, I dont know why. The floor is more comfortable. It's hard, bed's are supposed to be soft. It's alot easier to simply say 'Because It's more comfortable though' and this is true. But I dont know.
 There is an event ingrained in my mind where i wet myself at school on one of the chairs, I was in year two. And all the kids laughed at me, and for the rest of the year, that was the only chair I was allowed to sit on. Everyone else refused. And I know thats a silly thing to have stuck in your mind. But its like when people laugh at me for burping or farting and they dont understand. Or look at me with such disgust in their voice or eyes. They dont know me.  How dare they assume i didn't try to not do it?!

 I need to go now. Because im not.. whatever. Bye.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ltun92DfnPY&list=LLXsj1kSBBn5FvyICMZ3WnUw
- Poem