The longest day (and the hardest)

Today has possibly been the longest day of my life in a long time.
 I'm used to being sad, and lonely, and it's kind of become part of my life. But today was different. When I woke up this morning, I was alone. Which was a shock, because my step-sister had been in our room the night before, she was only in the other room, but it immediately made me sad. Because I remembered what would be waiting for me when she left.
 And then there's this whole thing about my grandmother dying. I don't want her to die, today has been a big mess of trying not to cry, and for the most part, I think its worked.
 My step-father (the greatest step-father in the world) seemed stressed, and none of us (me, my brother and my 'step'sister) knew why. I wasn't sure if we should be giving him space or not, and I was so confused.
 I'm lost at the moment, all day I wanted someone to hug and cry into, but I wasn't going to shove that on either of my siblings, and I was to afraid to approach anyone. Mum wasn't there either, which I can understand, it just didn't help. I suppose it wouldn't. I'm worried I'm making this seem all about me, it's not, I can understand why people are so sad, and angry, I am involved in allot of these conversations now. I cant understand why they're not around, and are doing other things. I realized I couldn't talk to my father and step-mother about this. Not through any fault of theirs, I just. Couldn't. I literally could not find any words to tell them what was going on, and I was worried they'ed look down on my mum and step-dad. I know they wouldn't, and I love them incredibly, but that's how I feel right now, and it'll probably get me into loads of trouble writing this down, but people always did tell me to write down my feelings.
 My brother did me such a great thing, he saw when I was upset, and when I was trying to hide it, and he just came and hugged me. Which was possibly the greatest thing I could have ever gotten today.
 I'm lost at the moment, I don't know if I should be sad, or angry, or annoyed. And I'm actually scared. Because the future scares me, I don't know what's going to happen now, nothing ever seems to happen but pain and hurt now. Friends are falling out with me, people are always leaving, and Its cold. I get really cold, for no reason, when It's actually warm, and I know this.
I told someone about all my problems, and they where surprised I had that many, because I always seem 'happy' and 'cheerful' I find this hard to believe. It's so much easier to be happy online, when people can't see your face, and have no idea who you actually are. But it made me laugh, and for a brief moment, that was good.
 I will say this; Allot of what I say is edited, and thought out in advance, because I know who reads this, and I try to be careful about upsetting them, but things like this, I just have to spill, and allow myself to do so.
I apologize for the content in this post, but i'll be putting it up anyways, because its a way to tell people how my mind feels, without speaking.
 Dustwing, and the Other girl.